Empowerment Tuesdays

I am blessed with a boyfriend who empowers me to do the things im afraid of-and encourages me when I have opportunities presented to me. He has MY best interest in mind, even when he has his own reservations- allowing me to be the person I am, and supporting me while growing into the person I can be. I hope that for those of you who dont have significant others who are empowering and supportive- that you tell them to kick rocks. Soon.

Josh and I aren't perfect, and never will be, but no matter what- we don't hold each other back. I think the only things he would ever tell me "no" to are: becoming a stripper, or having an open relationship. Neither of which I'd ask for- even though everyone knows I have a wife, Khara. She and I are only married through clothing, shoes, (pretty much anything involving our closets) and terrorizing the dance floor.

This week has been an interesting one to say the least. I've packed up six boxes of garage sale/goodwill items (removing LOTS of clutter from our apartment), and packed up my first "South Carolina" box. I know it seems premature- but there are lots of things in our apartment that we don't have room for right now while sharing it with a third person. While we have six months - there is going to be a LOT going on! I'm going to be finishing up school, besides the 4th of July, Khara's birthday trip to the lake, then three weddings between September and October, our anniversary, along with planning a trip out there to find our house/apartment/van down by the river- AFTER THAT- holiday season starts - and six months is GONE.

I've been trying to stay off Zillow.com- but I can't help it, and I really need to! All it does is make me nervous that we won't find a place where we want, or for the price we want. Josh just continues to tell me it will all work out (it always does), and to stop worrying about it. We really do have to consider balance when we do get out there to look at some places though. There will come a time where a decision will have to be made between more space/more ammenities that we want, and location. As we are not a wealthy couple- and won't be when we get there- this is a legit balancing act. The pros of living downtown/near the water- are that we would save a lot of gas since we'd be able to walk/bike/bus- so maybe we can spend more on the place- and any place with vacancies in DECEMBER will hopefully be desperate enough that we can negotiate on price as it is anyways! This is what I'm hoping, so I really have to just cross my fingers, stay OFF of Zillow, focus on what I can control, and listen to Josh sometimes.

The things I can control are: working on getting us out of debt, packing, getting rid of clutter, and getting some things assembled for the decorating of the love bungalow ("shack" sounds like...box on the side of the road, NOT complimentary). Yesterday I was blessed with the opportunity to shoot with Mike Alredge (the guy I shot with last Saturday), Kathryn Ellis, and Travis Little, with assistance from Mike's wife. In conversation Saturday- Mike asked if I'd want to do a group shoot with some of my friends. Nude. Now, while I don't always love my body- I know that Josh does- and I thought it might be a great way for me to really accept my extra curves that I'm not really used to yet. Doing a nude shoot is very empowering- and is a great way to capture true beauty without the distraction or body alteration of clothing of any kind. Real bodies, real connection with the camera, the only thing we had to work with was light, each other and that camera lens. Let me tell you what, the experience (and photos) were nothing less than amazing. I believe actually that the word "amazing" is an understatement.

I'm going to have to do a separate entry about the entire process once I've had a few days to really reflect. It was truly an experience with these women (and artists)- and not just "pretty photos." It was classy, artistic, beautiful and empowering. I think that it ended up being more than any of us had any idea it would be. Mike went into it looking for that wonderful group shot for his blog and for the end of his shooting in black and white project, and I went into it wanting great photos of myself and some of my girlfriends to cover whatever ends up being "my space" in the bungalow.

I wanted photos that were really REAL of myself, and my friends- since we do so many costumes and make up (hello events like Snowpacalypse, and the Foreigner concert)- I thought doing something like this would be a great way for me to balance out all of those pictures from different events- immersed amongst the clothes and the way we use it all to camoflague who we really are. They are going to be AMAZING and I can't wait to get some of them in PRINT!

Josh of course had his reservations, but I reassured him it would be tasteful and beautiful- and he trusted that I knew what i was talking about. I'm so lucky that even when he's nervous- that he trusts me enough to make the right decision. :)

To top yesterday all off- Josh and I got to babysit Taelyn (Khara's littlest), and Rylan (Kara's only)- it was really fun working together to entertain the boo's, and do a little work around Khara's to help her out. I know she's really busy, and really overwhelmed lately- so I was wanting to suprise her with doing some extra cleaning, and running some dishes for her! Josh is so good with kids from the way he plays with them, to the way he disciplines. I think it's good for us to see the way the other would "parent," because I know that that's where a lot of couples fall flat or fall apart. Once we become parents, we won't be able to undo it- and we need to make sure that we agree on the style of child rearing. I have a feeling that if we do have children that they will be fashionable and fearless :) I'm pretty sure I fell more in love with him yesterday (which isn't REALLY different from most days) but it was definitely more yesterday.

Every day has it's ups and downs, but I think the "ups" won this week!

Ps- I got to have a cupcake for breakfast yesterday- another "win."

Saturday Morning Picture Taking

Photos by Mike Alredge from 20 Days of Grey

I had the wonderful, and fortunate experience to meet with Mike Alredge and his lovely wife Elizabeth for a little photography on Saturday morning. Mike is working on a wonderful project, 20 days in black and white- where as an artist, he is making a time investment into truly improving his skills in black and white by forcing himself to shoot every day for twenty days. The two of them let me in on this wonderful little journey with them- letting the mortals mingle with the gods.

Not only did I get to watch an artist be inspired by nature, movement, and composing each upcoming shot in his mind - I got to watch a very affectionate, loving, and inspiring couple work together, work off of each other. It was like being the fly on the wall in a wonderfully coordinated love scene. It's hard to describe, but the way that they talked to each other, it was a a feeling, it was fun- the way she suggested things for his shots, the way he called her pet names. Things that they probably don't even realize they do- so easy- so effortless. Unpretentious, easy going- but still with boundries of some kind (they are 9-5ers). So different from myself, but so easy to relate to. Again, it was hard to pinpoint it exactly.

With so many couples, marriages, and almost relationships around me being so toxic and so emotionally draining on so many that I love (or even those that I have met in recent days)- where they are letting themselves be stuck in something that makes life dark and uninspiring- watching these two who in 45 minutes time illustrated how light they make each others' lives, and how they work to inspire each other. It was refreshing, fun- easy conversation, easy shooting, and talks of future work with them (some with Josh- some with other friends - all of which I'm VERY excited about!).

I'm wanting to do a few shoots with Josh here in Indy before we leave for the coast. Having some of the wonderful artists here in the "hometown," capture the two of us in this beautiful city, so that we can plaster the living room walls will be a great way to take some of Indiana with us. Not only having real, organic works of art, as well as having pictures of myself, my lover, and the third to this threesome- Indianapolis- as the background- will be a dream come true. So many of these blosoming artists - or artists who have been shooting for years - are the perfect way to capture us- the "beginning" us, the "launching into a new time of our lives" us - is very exciting.

Josh gave me a scrapbook for my birthday (with a beautiful love letter tucked inside)- as well as making sure I had a cupcake, and a candle to blow out before we got on the road for TN. This is to be filled with all kinds of pictures of our adventures- the ones we've had- and the ones we look forward to. It is already half filled with pictures just from our trip to the aquarium in Gatlinburg. I see many more scrapbooks in our futures. I'm so excited that he wants to share his adventures with me, as well as documenting it all with photos with me. I love it!

That's really all for now.. besides that I keep checking Zillow.com every day watching the rentals get posted and rented. I am anxious for the day we can go and find our new home!

BTW- There are some really great projects coming up in my future... announcements coming soon. Fashion, romance, adventure... it's all coming your way (and mine!) :) :) <3

Biggest Art Project Ever

Finding a new residence and a job are two of the hardest things on the to-do list before the big move, and also the ones that have to be put on hold. We have been hunting for a house- I'm just over apartments (and the neighbors that come with them). If someone has their house up for rent now, they aren't going to want to wait six months for the new renter to move in, so we have to wait until fall- and it is so frustrating. I've been keeping my eye on zillow.com- I've got the app on my phone so every day I can pull up a whole list of rentals in the area- I see what is in our price range, what is included, where, etc...and our only chance of getting a house for the price we want a month is going to be by a stroke of luck. The RIGHT house, at exactly the right time, otherwise- we are going to have to settle for an apartment again and it's going to be another long year until we can get out of it! So today, I'm asking my lovely blog followers to send me some luck to find the perfect bungalow for my lover and I.

We have been able to decide how we are going to decorate...by not deciding on anything at all right now! We are going to go room by room every month and really spend time picking out special designs and decor for each one. We have lots of stuff from here (signage from fashion shows, pictures, paintings from friends, more pictures, flyers from events, ticket stubs...) that we are going to be incorporating into our new place, and want to mix it with special things from our new home as well. So we'll take the time to visit different shops as we start our exploration&education of our new city, adding things from boutiques, local artists and musicians, pictures we take there, pictures we take here. Never really going out in SEARCH of decor, but just in search of our new city and the people and culture in it. It will be like a REALLY big art project for me, and some fun time working together with my favorite partner- JShows :) We already have some local Indy art for our first room- including a fabulous hand painted card that my friend and sorority sister Susie had her grandmother do for my birthday. It's beautiful and was so thoughtful of her! I look forward to taking things from here, plastering them all over my new residence, and eventually showing them off to the new friends and acquaintences we make when we move.

Toasting to the Future, Cheersing to the Past

The past few days I feel like I haven't gotten very far. I think the only thing I've really done is let my insurance agent (my NYE date from two years ago...hahaha funny story...) know that we're moving out of state....

BUT, even though I haven't gotten much done, I've been trying! Joshua and I's anniversary is coming up here in just a few short months and I really want to plan something special for it...but I am struggling. Since we have so much coming up- putting our plans on the schedule early is IMPERATIVE.. We have some very packed months ahead of us, and getting away for ANOTHER weekend is probably just not going to happen (damn all of you people getting married this summer/fall!). With wedding season, on top of Indiana Generals football season, on top of our last summer in Indy, it is quickly packing solid. Maybe a wild, romantic getaway isn't what we need, maybe we need a night IN, or a night of doing NOTHING.

I like to be non-traditional, and we have been with a lot of our relationship- though he holds all doors, always helps me carry my stuff in from the car, drives me up to the door at walmart when it's raining, and I oftentimes lay his work clothes out for him...our non-tradtional side includes me planning Valentine's day (which didn't include gifts-but did include getting drunk at olive garden and making fun of those there on serious dates), my birthday gift will be gas to get us to Gatlinburg for Diem's wedding, I planned a big suprise for his birthday, we didn't do gifts on Christmas (well, I did a little bit, but it was just all sentimental stuff that I already had + spare keys to my apartment), and sometimes I even buy HIM drinks.

So, why make a big deal out of our anniversary? Do we celebrate it because others say we should, or do we look at the real tradition? Why don't we celebrate every 13 months instead of 12, or our half-year-aversary? What really is the difference? I don't want to shortchange it as this year has been an amazing one, BUT, I don't want to get caught up in what we are "supposed" to do, and what we're "supposed" to buy for one another, and what we "should" be celebrating. To be honest, I feel "celebrated" every day.

I have been blessed with a wonderful man who makes me laugh, flirts with me in public, loves to hold hands, always holds the door, lets me know he loves me, and told me that he wouldn't mind some day being a stay at home dad someday. I think I'm pretty spoiled and while our anniversary is important, maybe this year we could just cheers to it with a trip downtown, get one of those BIG long islands at Kilroys- toast to our future adventures, and afterwards go flirt under our favorite tree down by the canal until we're both ready to go home and snuggle. Anniversaries shouldn't be a "phew, we got through a year," but rather a segway into more years to come.

This ones to you Josh, I love you- and here's to us, celebrating whenever the heck we want to, however the heck we want to :)

My Tribute to the Girls of Yesterday

Yesterday was the harddest day of this whole thing. I had wanted to wait until I had a few entries in the blog before I shared it with my adoring fans (ok...loving friends and family, random networking friends, acquaintences- but you get the picture).

After I posted it, the first comment to my posted link was: "I'm not reading this, because you're not moving"

And it all went downhill from there.

So today is a tribute to those I am HATING leaving.

When I moved here 4 years ago it was with my then husband, whom most of you who are in my life now (except my sorority sisters), don't know, and have never met. We lived here together for just over a year, and split shortly after my return from SC in 2007. After the split, I met the kids of indymojo and the then- VIPindy (hahah, yes make your jokes now)- but I started meeting people who became my family here. If it wasn't for them, I would've moved back home (gasp!), and had no reason to stay because I didn't know anyone, and didn't know much about the city. I hadn't had a chance to fall in love yet, but I knew there was definitely a mild flirtation with this beautiful place here- and I had all these friendly faces to truly introduce me.

Yesterday is when it all sank in to a few of my lovely lady family here. I've mentioned it during a couple of girls nights and other times, but they seem to be not believing me. Until yesterday. The messages started, and so did the tears - on each end of the facebooking. These girls have become my family- and in this short year that we've known each other - I've found a couple of friends that I know I will have for a lifetime, no matter which end of the continent or planet we happen to be inhabiting.

I've already had to say goodbye and move from a couple of special ladies (besides my family: Michelle Reiner, Emily Keisler and Jessica Jeske get special mention). But this will be the first move from my Indy fam.

We have laughed through Khara's phobia of the closed toilet door, they have rallied together to cheer me on at bikini contests where I've been scared out of my mind, listened to the horror stories and true entertainment that has come from the dating life of us single ladies, partied our asses off at carb day and mojo summer bar crawls, helped me haul and move my stuff when I moved in at Casa De Shows, and we have ALL laughed at the scorpion toe video. :)

I'm blessed to have these wonderful memories, and to have met real women here in Indianapolis. Women who are moms, women who are wives, women who are ex-wives, women who are ambitious, and smart, and more beautiful than they realize. I am more than lucky to have you as sisters, and to have been shaped by the experiences and friendships we have grown- you ladies have friended and mothered me into the woman I am today. I am sister rich :) Without you I may not have SURVIVED this past year. Girls weekends in South Carolina are going to be wonderful, and I can't wait for you all to come visit- bring the babies :)

So, to all of you who have those girlfriends that you know you cannot live without- send them a message today, just tell them you love them, tell them you're thinking of them, send them a lil snippet of a funny story you two share so you both can laugh. Appreciate them. The are priceless and irreplacable, and the most valuable asset you will EVER have.

So here's the to the girls of yesterday- I love you guys so much. I know there will be more tears (and more laughter) over the next few months before the move, and many more by facebook message, phone call, text, and bbm after. Cheers.

Jumping ship...er...bus

So...talking yesterday with a couple of classmates definitely got me excited! I feel like time will be dragging, but I have so much to do! They were very excited for me, and proud of the research I've started to do. They know I've always got a game plan! Today's list of discoveries is: cell phone family plans, and the Charleston bus system.

Many of you know I've been riding the Indygo, my bike, walking, cabbing, or getting the handsome Mr. Shows to drive me around- and while I love Indianapolis- our public transpo kinda sucks. SO, I knew I had to check out Charlestons before I made any kind of decision on getting rid of snowflake before the big migration of 2010. I found out that I am in luck! They have SEVERAL companies in SC, and there is a Charleston only system, and a rural system that serves Charleston and two other counties! In Indy, you can get to some places from downtown, but I can't get to Avon, Plainfield, or Carmel without a cab! That's ridiculous. And they just had meetings on cutting more routes! Out of control, I'm jumping ship..or bus rather.

Anyways- I've been enjoying my bus riding (almost) fully ... except for when I'm late, or the bus is late... or I can't find my change- or awkward men who ask weird questions hit on me while I'm trying to read a magazine. Those occasional drawbacks aside-the bus is great in a lot of ways, I can catch up on my reading- do homework, do my make up, text, catch up on tmz, catch up on all of you via facebook... while my commute is longer- I get to take a little me time that doesn't get impeded with road rage. It's pretty sweet- besides that I save a lot of money, and it's something green I can do that is pretty simple! People are so worried about riding the bus- you guys are crazy- it's pretty sweet, and entertaining.

Last night Mr. Shows and I did a little planning together- we got a look at moving companies. I didn't know there were so many options! I have a feeling that for the next few weeks that along with my other slew of junk mail in my inbox, that moving companies will be added to the mess. It was great to snuggle up and take a look at some stuff together- he's so easy to work with, it makes planning fun! This will get stressful- and has been in it's own moments, but at least I've found a good "committee member" to get this adventure rollin'!

The next step today- contact the king of sprint- Brady. Josh and I have decided that when a good deal presents itself we'd combine phone plans. There's many things that we are both positive that we WON'T combine (bank accounts, credit cards, cd collections), but a joint cell plan might not be a bad idea. We shall see.

Stay tuned for more discoveries...

Breaking the News

My family has kinda gotten used to the fact that I am going to do what I want, whether they say yes or no. I just got good at finding ways around it, or doing it anyways. Telling them that I'm moving several states away wasn't the scary part of this whole adventure, it actually has been probably the easiest part. I don't think mom and i even talked about it first, she just happend to comment on a status about it on facebook actually. Kinda nice, I'm very lucky to have a supportive family, or at least one that doesn't try to stop me once I've set my mind to it- they know it wouldn't do them any good I suppose! Some days I realize how spoiled I really am between my family and Josh.

Telling most of my friends came this weekend, and was met with mixed reviews. I went to an amazing wedding this weekend for the lovely couple- Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Not only was it a fabulous, personal, and ridiculous wedding- but it was like a reunion of sorts. Many of the friends that they share have met on IndyMojo.com (where Shawn is a co-owner) - and throughout the past couple of years have spent lots of time together doing fundraising, promoting, and partying. These are the people who have made Indianapolis home for me, as the closest family I have lives at least two and a half hours away. They're why I love this place. Getting to catch up with many of them this weekend was so much fun.

I was told more than once that I wasn't allowed to leave (which is very flattering), and some were very happy I was getting to go on this adventure and that I had found someone who wanted to go with me. Before that's why I had planned to wait maybe another year or two, I didn't want to go by myself and be alone. I had gotten lucky (once again)- and found mojo, which is really what kept me here, it introduced to me to so much of this city since I'm not from here. I had an instant community of friends/network buddies... it was scary to think about leaving without having that net there waiting for me.

While it is just the two of us- I feel like I've got someone who can really continue to be my partner in crime in meeting our new city- and taking on this advenure head on. Josh is such a level headed, laid back individual- who likes to have a plan, but doesn't get mad at me when I don't stick to one very well. I know that when we get there, finding our new guilty pleasure places to eat, making friends with strangers sitting up at the bar, and picking out a favorite bike path with him will be fun. An exciting adventure, and not scary that we don't know all those things about our new city. Discovering our new town will be a very fun year.

I've done lots of news breaking, but now it's his turn. His biggest dread is talking to his brother Ben (our roommate). They're very close and it is going to be delicate finding time. Wish him luck over the next couple of weeks while he finds the words!

The Decision Has Been Made

Crazy I know! Me, make a decision? Ridiculous. No seriously, it has happend. This fall myself and my partner in crime, Mr. Shows will be moving to the east coast! Charleston, SC to be exact.

For those of you who've known me a few years (since July 07 to be exact), you know that I went on vacation to South Carolina, and fell in love with it. For those who didn't, now you do. Being there, with my feet in the endless, humbling water- it just felt like home. More than once I'd see "hiring" signs on restaurant and store windows, and would be tempted..."if only I could get a job here, and just never leave..."

Well, I did have to leave, I was there with my (then)husbands family, and had to go home to him. That time with my feet in the ocean, the reflecting, the self realization that I came to, meant that when I came home to this husband of mine- I knew that I didn't want him to be my husband anymore.

That has lead me through a very interesting 2 years and 10 months of rebuilding my life, and having some of the most entertaining adventures on the way. I've loved growing (though it has come with a few growing pains), and learning about myself in the meantime, but I've always had this want to return to the ocean where I believe I left some part of me.

I've been living with my boyfriend/love of my life/best friend/snuggle buddy now for a few months, and he jokes with me one night and says "why can't we just pack a couple of bags and run away?" Number 1- you all know that would be funny as it would have to be a "couple of bags of shoes, a couple of bags of clothes, a couple of bags of bags" for me, Number 2- where would we run to? So it started out as a joke, and it soon became a reality. I graduate this fall, our lease is up in December, we don't have kids, dogs, baby mamas, or a mortgage to make it hard to move from here... so why not?

How do you pick a new home though? I thought moving to another side of town would be a hard enough decision, but to another state? So we made lists, asked friends (and mojo), looked on moving websites, and statistics- the whole deal. It was stressful! So the other night I ask him how would he decide where to go? He tells me, if it was just him by himself, he'd just pick a new city, and leave. So we did. I asked him how Charleston sounded, and he said let's do it. Decision: accomplished :)

I'm so excited and so nervous it's crazy, but I'm ready for a new adventure! Indianapolis and I are coming up on our 4 year anniversary- and it will be hard to say good bye to this beautiful city that I have had a very torrid affair with, and to all my wonderful friends that have made this place really home. BUT, it's time to grow, it's time to move, and it's time to give you all a new destination for vacation next summer.

Over the next few months I'll be blogging the craziness, all of it, of getting ready for a move like this. The good, the bad, the out of control.

<3